Can you feel that trigger hand, moving further down your back
Today i think was really good. I'm pretty sure later ill do a pause rewind and get to into disecting it though. I feel like im floating right now. I cant really pinpoint myself lately, i cant press my thumb down. I think i was born to be in flux, but the cravings remain the same. I'm rambling now and trying to do it judicially- keep myself at the reigns. So then we were on today. We all know (or maybe we dont) that i am incapable of sleeping in, so today at seven thirty i woke up to a weak and lovely dawn coming in through my curtains- its still bitter and biting cold outside but atleast mother nature decided to put on her face today. I think im starting to over-eat again though which is a concern- i always laugh when i hear people talking about "that little nagging voice" in their heads, but i guess i have my own, if i eat mac and cheese i think about that fact for the rest of the day. Its tiring and its making me concider veganism. After listening to some morning music i took a nice walk and then relaxed at home for a while. I went to see will for the first time since a millenium ago, the one that ive known since grade school. We're so diffrent now from eachother. Whenever im around him im hyper aware of how much ive adjusted. I like the adjustments. Its always a little akward hanging out though, just a tiny bit chaffing- because he doesnt like my choices. To each his own. Then david and will (not childhood will) came and picked me up and we made some choices of our own. Which brings me then to i guess my most recent run in with the opposite sex. Now ive already explained that those of the male gender have no intrest in dating me- some though have no problem with succumbing to the physical with me. Now before you get ahead of yourselves it wasnt a large dramatic thing. it was a few kisses and a lot of atmosphere, you know the kind where you can cut the "i know you want to kiss me" wind with a knife. Oh sweet manial, i should have mentioned i was speaking about not-childhood-will, because david is like the baby brother i never had. In slightly bad news i didnt go to the first concert. I only say slightly bad because the sole reason im upset is because i think i may have hurt theas feelings, and i really love that kid. I'm trying to push that to the back of my head but i wont forget it. I was drive home later and have just been reflecting ever since then. I like thinking. I like using my head- except when its mathmatically. Today was good, tomorrow will be better. live for the moment.
In Fear and Faith - Circa Survive